Gloriously, self-indulgently classic campy horror films ranked forever via our special, entirely arbitrary and secret algorithm. Disagreement is futile; their ranks permanent.
Oh, New York in the early '80s, when you could check into a Times Square flophouse (flophouses in Times Square -- HA!) carrying a mysterious, locked wicker basket with no questions asked...those were the days. Basket Case follows Duane Bradley who -- under the spell of his once-conjoined, currently basket-residing twin, Belial -- seeks murderous vengeance on the doctors responsible for leaving adorable lil' Belial left for dead in a trash heap.
Big Bad Wolf
An obnoxious, over-sexed group of college students? Check. A secluded cabin in the woods? Check. Some poorly designed, wise-cracking werewolves? Check and check. Yup, this gory, so-bad-it's-awesome 2006 horror flick has it all -- right down to the horrible DVD box art shown here.
From the moment the titular heavy metal band Black Roses takes the stage during this flick's opening credits, gore fans should know you're in for a rare treat. When the band of vampire-werewolf monsters in disguise takes the stage in a small midwestern town, they unleash satanic forces that possess their fans, turning them into bloodthirsty demons who wreak havoc on their parents and teachers.
Blacula is a given for this list, mixing the highly volatile elements of cult horror and blaxploitation. Onetime African Prince Mamuwalde is bitten by Dracula and becomes the aptly named Blacula, who in this flick, finds himself in 1970s Los Angeles surrounded by buxom 1970s ladies. What's a vampire to do? surrounded by buxom 1970s ladies. What's a vampire
Look, the title alone should convince you this one's worth your time, but in case you need to know what it's all about, a noted university professor (played by F. Murray Abraham) ventures into the African jungle with a team of grad students to study a rare breed of chimpanzee -- only to find out these chimps are killer monsters!
Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned
Chuck is getting married, so his best man Sammy decides to throw his buddy a bachelor party. In a cabin. In the middle of nowhere. Yet he somehow convinces three strippers to show up for the occasion. Anyway, things are going great until Chuck's finacee shows up with a serious mad-on about the party, and starts taking out revelers one by one in truly brutal fashion. Uh, Chuck, you might want to reconsider this whole "lifetime commitment" thing
Oh, C.H.U.D. -- you know there was no way we'd forget about you for this list! A monster made from the unholy, unspeakable waste that runs through the sewers of New York City begins mutating the city's homeless, transforming them into "Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers." It's up to a photojournalist, a hot chick and a wacky bum to save the city from this horde of hideous and hungry crap monsters.
Beware! Children at Play
When the children of a small town begin disappearing and returning as mindless cannibals, naturally, the adults start to get a bit concerned. You'll definitely want to stick with this one until the end to see quite possibly one of the most disturbing endings to a schlocky horror film ever produced (hey, the simple townsfolk have to get rid of these monster children somehow, hint-hint).
Dracula A.D. 1972
Devil-worshipping hippies (aren't they all?) decided it would be a good idea to revive Dracula in swinging 1970s London. However, the hippies soon realize that Dracula (played by Christopher Lee) is not the "cool cat" they thought he'd be when he sets off on a killing spree in search if his arch-nemesis, Dr. Van Helsing (played by Peter Cushing).
Let's be honest -- no list of all-time great cult horror films would be complete without Evil Dead (and we should've added Army of Darkness too, but figured this would cover the adventures of Ash and his Boomstick). Arguably the quintessential cult horror film finds Ash trapped in a cabin surrounded by flesh-eating zombies with only his wits and litany of wise-cracks to save him.
In the real world, millionaires can do whatever they want without repercussions, but in the 1972 world of Frogs, millionaire Ray Milland gets his just desserts for thinking he can kill any animal on his private island at the hands of -- you guessed it -- an army of monster frogs.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space
When a band of alien clowns descend on a small town and proceed to cocoon their victims in cotton candy to devour later, it's up to a pair of high schoolers to kill them with the aid of an ice cream truck.
Stay creepy, clowns. It wasn't John Wayne Gacey that ruined you, it was you.
We can only assume that Jennifer Aniston and Warwick Davis are probably really proud that their names are forever attached to this film, which -- as the title would imply -- follows a basement-dwelling, murderous 600-year-old leprechaun on a trail of horror. The leprechaun would later take his nightmarish talents to "the hood" in later installments of the franchise.
Class of Nuke 'Em High
Tromaville High has its cliques just like every other high school in America, but the one thing all of the studnts have in common is dangerous levels of nuclear radiation thanks to the school's close proximity to the local nuclear power plant (which, of course, suffers a major malfunction). Naturally, the school goes all "Mad Max" and the kids are fighting epic gladiator battles, killing disgusting monsters and having tragic fallout babies. Yay, 1980's!
Take one part human and one part adorable bunny rabbit and clearly you get this horrible monster! When a magician's trick goes terribly wrong at a child's birthday party, the result is Peter Rottentail, a creature out for blood who then proceeds to haunt the house at which the birthday party took place (much to the chagrin of the couple who moves in years later).
On their way to Miami Beach for Spring Break, a group of college students decide, "Hey, let's take a detour into the back hills of West Virgina! That makes PERFECT sense!" Surprisingly, things start to take a turn when they comes face-to-face(less) with Plasterhead in this homage to the great slasher flicks of the 1970s and '80s.
A.K.A. "Altered Species," a group of lab rats rise up against their scientist overlords led by one rats who grows to gigantic, monstrous proportions. Clearly, mouse food and trash won't satiate their hunger anymore -- they're out for flesh and blood!
The horrifying Grimm Fairy Tale becomes a horrifically campy horror film -- Rumpelstiltskin finds a young mother coming across an ancient wishing stone in an antique shop, and naturally/unwittingly releases the demon within (yup, Rumpelstiltskin). Now, she has to guess the demon's name or lose her child.
Ten years after a cruel prank went horribly awry, eight friends receive a mysterious invitation to a "private" reunion at their now-closed school -- an invitation to murder! Yup, the object of their torment -- a nerd named Marty -- devises elaborate deaths on all of the popular kids who used to give him grief. You see, all you neo-nerds out there? This is how it used to be done before we could just become computer scientists, make awesome salaries, and then just laugh at all of the popular kids years down the road on Facebook.
The House on Sorority Row
After a confrontation with their strict housemother, a group of sorority sisters decide enough is enough and come up with a haphazard plot for revenge which, not surprisingly, results in the accidental shooting death of the housemother. Also not surprising: the housemother comes back from the dead to exact her own brutal revenge on the often scantily clad sorority sisters.
For all of the vegetarians and vegans out there who decry the killing of juicy, delicious turkeys on Thanksgiving -- here's the movie for you! As usual, a knuckleheaded group of college students run afowl of a murderous turkey, who takes them out one-by-one.
The Gingerdead Man
Gary Busey stars in this hysterical horror flick that follows three murderers who are put to death and -- when their cremated ashes accidentally mix with a batch of gingerbread batter -- come back to life as terrifying delicious desserts. Now they will stop at nothing until they find the woman who testified against them and made them a gang of evil cookies.
The recently crowned "Best Worst Movie Ever" absolutely deserves that title thanks in part to the hysterically campy dialogue and, or course, the so-bad-they're-actually-kinda-creepy monsters in Troll 2. When a family vacation to the beautiful (yet very remote) town of Nilbog goes awry, it's up to little Josh Waits to save his family from a nasty fate at the hands of a gang of trolls. Seriously, skip Troll and go right to the sequel, you won't be disappointed (and yet you'll be totally disappointed at the same time!).
When Mark and his college friends are invited to check out a creepy magician's wax museum near campus, they soon find themselves locked in a terrifying world of werewolves, vampires and monsters. So kids, let this be a lesson -- if a creepy magician ever invites you over to his house to check out his wax museum, you should probably say
When a group of friends decide to mess around with an Ouija board -- and naturally conjure up the spirit of an evil little boy who in turn posses them to do his evil bidding -- will anyone in town be able to put an end to their terror? Maybe the film's star, Tawny "Chick from the 'Whitesnake' video" Kitaen, might be able to.